With the exception of Nas, Eminem, Jay-Z, and MC Hammer, “Weird Al” Yankovic is the best rapper of all time, and we will travel to the end of Albuquerque to say such every hour. No one, we repeat, NO ONE has bars like Al(fred). In addition, he is THE BEST parody songwriter of all time, and his originals, which often echo hits in various genres are just as good, if not better. Al has fourteen ALbums ALl ready for ALliance with ALternating forms of praise for you ALternative leaning fans. We ranked them all from worst to best below, and will state before doing so that his worst rivals many of your favorite bands’ best. So put on some 3-D glasses, travel to Jurassic Park, which is frightening in the dark, and get ready to relive your childhood a little.
14. Alpocalypse (2011)
Weird. Al. Has. No. Bad. Albums. However, one record had to be legally be listed last here, especially since the insurrection, and if we can survive the “Alpocalypse” which is not even close to being as good as “Alapalooza” and features a smiling Cyrus, three religious brothers similar to the oh-so-cute Hanson boys but different, a small artist known as Taylor Swift who hasn’t been heard from since, and cataracts, yes, cataracts, then anything is possible! Still, this record was his highest charting full-length at the time, with a number nine debut on the Billboard 200. In addition, to prove us further wrong with this ranking, it was also nominated for a Grammy. Stop forwarding that crap to us? WHATEVER YOU LIKE. FYI: Casual WAY fans need to celebrate his style parodies as much as they do with his parodies like the ‘83 track, “I Love Rocky Road”.
Play it again: “Party in the CIA”
Skip it: Shake shake a shake it
13. Poodle Hat (2003)
2003 was the year that mall screamo/post-hardcore almost took over the H&M world with such curiously major label acts as Thursday, Thrice, and Poison the Well put out yelly and singy music, so it was easy to write Al off before the poodles went out to pasture. Still, the weirdest of the weird, and the strangest of the strange, Yankovician the Fredal proved that he was so, so much more than an angry white boy doing polka with underrated WAY gems like “Genius In France” and “Moron Out England”… And don’t try to get us started on the Vanilla Ice inspired album opener, “Couch Potato”! Coincidence that the potato opened the record with starch and closed it with escargot? Only Bob knows why.
Play it again: “Genius In France”
Skip it: Its eventual parody
12. Straight Outta Lynwood (2006)
Fun fact: Key & Peele’s very own Key & Peele appear in what is very likely Al’s most successful music video this century for the rockin’ rollin’ track, “White & Nerdy.” As YouTube culture took over the earth as a prequel to Vine, TikTok, and current juggernaut Friendster, Al showed that he could not be messed with as he ran the parody power game. Since this is the THIRD entry here and the #12 listing, we have a THREE part confessional list of pieces of diarrhea advice that you should practice every day: 1) Don’t download this song. 2) No matter what, you’re always close, but no cigar, to cake, so eat well. 3) Check your pancreas with a batter of syrup and a bowl of Advil, especially if you’re Canadian.
Play it again: “Trapped in the Drive-Thru”
Skip it: Having to poo whilst waiting for fries behind three Camrys and one Tesla with a “My Kid Is On The Honor Roll At Warren High In Downey, California”
11. Polka Party! (1986)
It’s no secret that every album ranking piece is subjective, except this one, and it’s also not false that Al’s best albums are from the ’80s/’90s, so it pains us to admit that “Polka Party!” is Al’s worst effort from the ’80s/last century, even though it has some of the best cover art. But have no fear as it is also better than every band’s LP who has played Warped Tour’s stages other than Cherry Poppin’ Daddies’ 1990 effort “Ferociously Stoned,” which doesn’t contain their biggest hit, “Zoot Suit Riot,” riot, which, well, ya know, dorks! So, listen to your heart, do not wear those shirts, live proudly with your hernia, re-watch the first five, yes, five, Rocky films, as “Rocky V” is not as bad as you remember, and start lighting menorahs for lower Manhattan; our non-BS thoughts/prayers go out to anyone harmed by 9/11.
Play it again: “Addicted to Spuds”
Skip it: The ability to stop drinking ketchup
10. Mandatory Fun (2014)
“Weird Al” Yankovic’s most recent album as of now but likely forever, “Mandatory Fun” obviously debuted in the gold medal position on Billboard’s US Top Comedy Albums, miles over Michael Richards’ EP, and shocked the world by actually and literally having its first week be at NUMBER ONE on the US Billboard 200, which we are not being sarcastic, sardonic, silly, or sports about. Call it Millennial nostalgia if you want, but Al proved he’s still got it.
Play it again: “Foil”
Skip it: Oily skin that once had boils
9. UHF – Original Motion Picture Soundtrack and Other Stuff (1989)
It truly says A LOT that one of the best soundtracks of all time is ranked NINTH here in this piece; Al is that good. If you still haven’t seen this perfect film let us be your hog and stop reading this/listening to it on your iPhone with a random Backstreet Boys vocalist not named AJ effortlessly reading it, and tune into all of the flick, all of it, with your phone in airplane mode so Cousin Deb can’t access you. Cool? If you have seen it before, do the same thing in second gear for moms’. Get it? The late Gandhi does, and did so twice! Three letters haven’t meant so much since “A-S-S,” and will likely never ever again.
Play it again: “Money for Nothing / Beverly Hillbillies”
Skip it: Buying everything for Billy Idol’s “Mony Mony”
8. Running with Scissors (1999)
“Albuquerque” is “Weird Al”’s best original composition, and if we’re being honest, it’s his best song… And that includes his parodies. Frank Zappa, Frank Sinatra, Junior, Frank Stallone, and ballpark Franks would all be salty yet proud of Al(fred) for this epic album closer in a decade of epic album closers like “All Apologies,” “Only In Dreams,” “Goodbye Sky Harbor,” and “Sumthin’ Wicked This Way Comes.” We don’t need to say anything else about jogging with knives, but we may as well: Diddy may be canceled now but his rock version of “It’s All About The Benjamins” gets slapped in the best way with dollar signs being replaced with PCs, and we are NOT talking about WWE’s Performance Center.
Play it again: “Albuquerque”
Skip it: “El Paso,” for obvious reasons unless they aren’t
7. Self-Titled (1983)
What. A. Debut. No words. Just listen. Happy birthday!
Play it again: “Ricky”
Skip it: “Steamboat”
6. Bad Hair Day (1996)
We may be at the fighting King Kong slot in Tom’s Top Eight, but we’re nearing the five highest ranked albums in WAY’s perfect album catalog, and sadly the late/great Coolio loses to hipster icon in a world of icons’, Jeff “Earth Girls Are Jurassic” Goldblum. Don’t feel bad for any fantastic voyage that anyone’s since you’ve been gone, and remember Larry from da leisure suit in bad (hair day) times, and worse. Remember The Jerky Boys? They made prank phone calls sometimes calling in sick? Rizzo? Frank Rizzo? Well, we know that he isn’t a Stallone, Sinatra, Junior, the weirdest of the weird, Frank Zappa, or a salty/savory mess of meats in a meat sac. Now be gone! We’re so sick of you, FORREST! In closing, there is nothing paradise-like like the script for 2008’s underrated, “Sex Drive,” and everything you know is wrong.
Play it again: “Gump”
Skip it: a sophom*ore schlump
5. Alapalooza (1993)
1993 was a year for the books! “In Utero,” “Vs.,” Rancid’s debut self-titled LP, and, obviously, En Vogue’s “Runaway Love” EP all showed that Wu-Tang Clam would eventually be nothing to ele-funk with tartar sauce. Yeah. That’s right. Back to our irregularly bowled dictation of an album title called “Alapalooza,” which implies that we’d prefer to go to a festival created by Al Yankovic over the almost as cool Perry Farrell. There ain’t no pyro for p*rnos for the young, dumb, and/or ugly on the more G rated/PG leaning Al songs. Even your most favorite 405 traffic jam would agree but not with Eric Clapton’s racist statements in the 1970s. Don’t believe us? Use GOOGLE, YAHOO, teleportation, OR GeoCities, Flea! Thanks, Chad Smith!
Play it again: “Jurassic Park”
Skip it: Not being ashamed of a nightlight
4. Off the Deep End (1992)
1992 had even better objectively and subjectively mainstream rock music than 1993 with Yellow Ledbetter’s “Core,” Rage Against The Machine’s self-titled ten-track masterpiece of a full-length studio album, and Alice in Chains’ “Dirt.” Then there was our friend Mr. Weird who blew it all out of the water. We dock him some points for not hanging hog on the cover of the album. Come on Al, dump that thing out.
Play it again: “The White Stuff”
Skip it: Alt-Right stuff
3. Even Worse (1988)
Oooooo! That’s right, there are zero skips/dad jokes for “Even Worse,” Al’s bronze-winning entry. This album deserves all of the public flowers that it received back then in the year that the first Bush was elected President of the United States of America with a Vice President who couldn’t spell, and at least six more positive word series cornucopia of powerful positive praises! Lasagna love may have gone by the wayside of America’s favorite pooch, Garfield, but you always need catchy/plenty of music to and over and over and over and over and over and over again; the fat good old days are over!
Play it again: “I Think I’m a Clone Now”
Skip it: Do not
2. Dare to Be Stupid (1985)
Rest in peace, Bob Casale, Devo mainstay, producer for Vandals, of 11561’s “Black Jacket Soul,” and proud papa of Sam and Alex. Now for something completely different from the Devo approved d-evolution: The title track to this album, which is ranked number two here out of FOURTEEN, is “Weird Al” Yankovic’s second best original song. Facts. No counter arguments are accepted here or in a court of law. Say yes to “duck,”; say no to “drugs” as the duck STARTS here. Show us how to get down, baby. Get it? Don’t beg for bed crumbs, and mind what we say, or it’s gonna b3 one more minute with you, which will leave us not that far behind in 3-D/its Rolodex.
Play it again: “Dare to Be Stupid”
Skip it: Having your blood sucked out by leeches
1. “Weird Al” Yankovic in 3-D (1984)
Sophom*ore slump or comeback of the year? You decide, but please wear da EX RAE SPEX, you midnight stars! Few likely expected “Weird Al”’s self-titled LP to capture a fan space in an extraterrestrial and beat the IRS. Even MORE people likely thought that he would release thirteen more full-length studio efforts. Some people might have pulled Al aside and said you will never top “Eat It” quit while you’re ahead, and those people would have robbed us of at least 30 more years of greatness. That’s AL we have to say about that!
Play it again: “King of Suede”
Skip it: Turn it off, turn it off
